What is the root of the fruits of contempt, isolation, control, perfectionism, comparison?

 When I meet with clients for Christian Counseling or Life Coaching, we start off with an illustration of a tree. Several great Christian or Biblical Counselors use a tree as a model of a person, and I have adopted a similar comparison. 

A fruit tree bears fruit (apple, peach, banana etc). The fruit can be ripe and delicious or rotten or immature. The fruit's quality is based on the transmission of nutrients from the trees roots through the trunk and out to the limbs and fruit. If the tree's root is rotten or messed up, then the nutrients cannot be distributed correctly and if the trunk isn't  functioning as it should (taking the nutrients from the root to the fruit) then the fruit will suffer too. 

So take that and apply it to you! Your actions and behaviors are the fruit that is seen. The trunk is the thoughts that nourish or harm the fruit (change the fruit for good or bad). But if the root is bad (rotten or not getting the nutrients) then the whole tree suffers and the fruit becomes rotten and the tree dies. 

So what does your fruit look like? Are you highly critical of others or yourself? Do you hate yourself? Have low self esteem?  Do you avoid interaction with others? Isolate and stay away from other people? Are you a "control freak?" Do you try to control everyone around you? Do you drive people away because of your controlling behavior? Do you strive to be perfect and force your family to fit into your mold of perfectionism? Is outward appearances more important than transformed lives? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Do you always feel as though you are lacking or not enough? Are you always striving to please God and/or others and failing miserably? 

All these fruits on your tree are driven by a root of "SHAME" that tells you that something is wrong with you. Not about your behavior or sin, but about YOU as a created person made in God's image as being helplessly flawed and without hope. 

This root of SHAME has become your identity and you cannot see who you are now in Christ Jesus (if you are a saved and born again believer in Jesus Christ). Shame keeps the scripts of inferiority, rejection and fear playing. 

So what do you do with a bad root? YOU DIG IT UP! 

You get rid of it? But how do you get rid of SHAME?

1. Surrender it to Jesus (give it to HIM) 
2. Pray for the Power of the Holy Spirit to overcome the lies you believe about yourself. 
3. Pray for the Holy Spirit to illuminate the truth of God's word (but you must also read, study and meditate on God's word to learn the truth so He can bring the illumination to your heart)
4. Abide in HIS presence (spend time daily in God's word, worshiping Him, and sitting and talking to Him); write down anything that comes to your mind while you sit silently in HIS presence. Compare it to God's written word and also discuss it with a strong Godly mentor or friend. Maybe the Holy Spirit will bring to your mind a verse you memorized or a memory about a trauma or hurtful event. Surrender the people, your feelings and the lies to God. Ask the Holy Spirit to change your feelings, to help you forgive the people or better yet for the Holy Spirit to forgive them through YOU. Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom, discernment and illumination of the truth! 
5. Trust that God is in control and that inward transformation is by the Power of Christ and the Holy Spirit and not by your own strength or striving. 
6. Learn who you are in Christ Jesus. Your are a new creation, a holy priesthood, an adopted child of God! 

For more on Breaking the Shackles of Shame check out Dinah Monahan's free book and video teaching on her website https://www.psalmfifty.one/. or Transformation Prayer Ministry (https://www.transformationprayer.org/) both are great resources for recognizing and dealing with SHAME. 



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